A Tisket A Tasket
by ML Miller Breedlove
Summary: Easter at Stalag 13. A short story for your enjoyment. Please R & R -- COMPLETE


The T.V. show Hogan's Heroes belongs to Bing Crosby Productions. No ownership of the Hogan's Heroes characters is implied or inferred, and no infringement is intended. This story was inspired by the basket LeBeau made and gave to the Kommandant in the episode, "What Time Does the Balloon Go Up? I always wondered what Klink was going to do with that basket and now I know.  
  
A Tisket A Tasket  
  
"Sixteen dozen eggs!" The Kommandant of Stalag 13 hollered in response to his senior POW officer's request. "Colonel Hogan, are you nuts!"  
  
"Aww, com'on, Kommandant, you can get those easy. The farms around here are always selling eggs. Besides, you know you kinda like that little farmer's daughter...what was her name?" Hogan was maneuvering Klink, trying to dangle the carrot that would lead Klink in his direction.  
  
"Gretchen?" Klink hesitated.  
  
Hogan snapped his fingers, "Yeah, that's the one! Pretty little blue eyed blond. I saw the way she looked at you, when she came to sell us her vegetables and you ran out to order her away."  
  
"Hogan, that was anger you saw in her eyes," Klink said, in a defeated tone.  
  
"Oh sure it was..." Hogan said, sarcastically, "...that's why she was smiling and couldn't take her eyes off of you. Yeah, there's something about a man in a well-tailored uniform that turns women's heads! And let's face it, Kommandant, you cut quite a figure standing there shouting out orders."  
  
"Hmm, maybe you're right." Klink said, with a distant look in his eyes, rubbing his chin."  
  
"Of course, I am! So what do you say, Colonel? Just sixteen dozen eggs so my men can have an Easter egg hunt." Hogan pleaded.  
  
"Colonel Hogan do you really think your men will want to color and hunt for eggs? Aren't they a little old for that?" Klink questioned.  
  
"Old? Are you kidding? Everyone in the "States" hunt for eggs, it's a tradition. Don't you have any traditions?" Hogan challenged.  
  
"Well..." Klink began to think, but Hogan cut him off before he had time to ponder the question. Colonel Hogan seldom gave anyone time to think when he was laying out his ploy. It worked out better that way. Lead them to "lock and load" and then move out before they could "fire". Most of the time his "targets" never knew what hit them, until the smoke cleared.  
  
"And you can invite Gretchen to the Easter egg hunt when you purchase the eggs. That will be a nice casual way to spend some time together. You can even give her that Easter basket LeBeau made and gave to you." Hogan offered.  
  
"You know, Hogan, that's not a bad idea, and after the hunt maybe a glass of wine and some lunch." Klink was warming to the idea. Hogan who had been leaning over Klink's desk, straightened with a satisfied grin on his face.  
  
"Then I can tell my men you'll get the eggs?" Hogan pressed.  
  
"Yes, Hogan, I'll get the eggs." Klink was already planning the luncheon menu.  
  
"Great, I'll tell the guys to go ahead with their plans for coloring them," Hogan said, as he reached the door to exit Klink's office and turned to give a casual salute. Klink returned the salute and Hogan quickly disappeared.  
  
********  
  
Colonel Hogan entered Barrack Two and announced, "Okay, that's the first step. Klink's getting the eggs, and I've talked him into inviting Gretchen. Kinch, get on the radio and let the Underground know to tell Eberhard and his daughter, that we've got her an invitation to come to Stalag 13, and the radio part they need, will be in the bottom of the Easter Basket Klink gives her to use for the hunt."  
  
Kinch headed for the bunk concealing the entrance to the tunnel, "Right away, Colonel!"  
  
"LeBeau, get busy weaving a duplicate of the Basket you gave Klink with a slight modification of a false bottom." Louis smiled, jumped to his feet and headed for the Recreation Hall, "Oui," Colonel.  
  
"Carter, Newkirk, get the rest of the men busy rounding up the supplies for coloring the eggs for the hunt." Newkirk rubbed out the butt of his cigarette and gathered Carter up on his way to the door. "Com'on Andrew, you can show me how they do this in the US."  
  
*************  
  
"Well, Colonel Klink, aren't you going to introduce me?" Hogan asked, while walking up to Gretchen.  
  
"Yes, of course. Gretchen this is our senior Prisoner of War Officer, Colonel Robert Hogan. He's a captured American pilot." Klink said, smiling.  
  
Hogan smiled, bowed graciously, and taking Gretchen's hand in his own brought it to his lips kissing her fingers gently. He took in her smell and remembered what it was like, before his capture, to spend an evening in the company of a woman. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard the Kommandant speak of you often."  
  
Gretchen smiled and tore her eyes from the handsome American airman and again looked at Kommandant Klink. "Really, Colonel Klink, I didn't think you had even noticed me? You probably have women falling all over you."  
  
"Well, yes that's true, but none as lovely as you, my dear." Klink gushed as he handed her an empty basket.  
  
"Oh what a lovely basket, Herr Kommandant," Gretchen smiled, gently taking the basket.  
  
Hogan explained, "It was made by one of my men for a basket weaving contest that the Kommandant judged, and presented to Colonel Klink as a gift. I know the Kommandant would want you to keep it, as a silent token of all the words of love you have missed because your beauty has left him speechless."  
  
"Thank you, Hogan! I think I can present my own gifts! Dismissed," Klink forcefully insisted.  
  
***********  
  
Hogan stood leaning against the side of the supply hut watching the egg gathering with a satisfied grin on his face. ~ Well two good things will come from this, the Underground will get their radio part and we will get some eggs...Uh oh. ~ Hogan pushed himself off of the building he was leaning against as Burkhalter pulled into camp.  
  
"Mon Colonel, trouble," Louis LeBeau came and stood next to Hogan.  
  
Soon Kinch found his way over to the Colonel and asked, "What do you suppose he wants?"  
  
"I don't think it's an Easter basket," Hogan answered. "Kommandant," he called out as he approached the twosome, "...here let me take the basket and wipe the eggs clean of the mud and dirt they collected from laying out in the open."  
  
Klink grabbed the basket back just as Burkhalter made his way around the corner. "Klink, what is going on here?"  
  
"Oh, General Burkhalter, what a pleasant surprise," Klink laughed nervously.  
  
"What are you up to?" the General demanded, taking the Easter basket from Colonel Klink.  
  
"The Kommandant was just letting my men celebrate Easter, by having an egg hunt. It's a reward for...obeying the rules and...not attempting to escape," Hogan quickly responded. "Right, Kommandant?" Hogan smiled and nodded at Colonel Klink.  
  
"Huh, oh right...it helps to keep the prisoners in line if I give in to their little whims, General Burkhalter. It is a small concession in exchange for their cooperation."  
  
"I see, and who do we have here?" Burkhalter asked, looking at Gretchen.  
  
Hogan jumped on the distraction the lovely fraulein presented, "Oh this is Gretchen, and she supplied our eggs from her farm. She and the Kommandant were about to have a lovely luncheon prepared by one of my men. I know he would love to have you join them," Hogan added, diverting the Generals attention from the basket.  
  
"Yes, Herr General, won't you join us?" Klink said not too happily. "Thank you, Klink, I believe I will," he said, as he handed the basket back to Gretchen, and offered her his arm. He began carrying on a private conversation as he escorted her back toward Kommandant Klink's quarters.  
  
*********  
  
"Is everything in order, Louis? I'd like to get this over with and Gretchen out of here." Colonel Hogan was busily trying to keep things moving along, while pretending to be over seeing his men.  
  
"Oui, Mon Colonel, everything is ready," Louis assured. "Why are you so nervous? Burkhalter doesn't suspect anything."  
  
"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling and I can't shake it." Hogan confided.  
  
"What could go wrong, sir?" Carter asked as he prepared to serve the meal.  
  
Hogan looked around the kitchen worriedly, "I don't know, nothing...I guess. Let's just get this over with. I'll go announce that the meal is ready and then you begin serving as soon as they're seated."  
  
LeBeau and Carter watched as their Commanding Officer went back into the Parlor to begin his operation. "Boy, the Colonel sure is jumpy," Carter stated as he prepared the serving tray.  
  
"Oui...remember serve from the left and remove from the right," Louis prompted.  
  
Hogan strutted into the room and boldly announced, "The meal is ready to be served, and you may take your seats at the table." Suddenly the door burst open and Major Hochstetter, Gestapo, barged in on the party.  
  
"What is going on out there Klink? Your prisoners are all over the compound looking on and under everything that isn't tied down," he growled. "Oh, General Burkhalter, I didn't know you were here." The Major stood erect, saluted and then placed his hands on his hips.  
  
Carter and LeBeau peaked in on the spectacle from the kitchen. "Boy, it's uncanny the way the Colonel knows when a disaster is about to happen," Carter said, in awe.  
  
"Quick!" Louis grabbed the apron off of Carter and said, "Go tell Newkirk and Kinch what is going on and tell them to get some eggs in the basket we replaced for the one with the radio part in it. If Colonel Hogan is right about that feeling, we better get those baskets switched.  
  
"Right!" Carter headed out the back door and straight to Barrack Two.  
  
Mean while back in the parlor, "Oh, they're hunting for Easter eggs," Klink said, smiling.  
  
"There hunting for WHAT?" Hochstetter yelled. "I shouldn't be surprised what I find when I come here, but you never cease to amaze me, Kommandant. While the rest of us are fighting a war, you're throwing Easter egg hunts for your prisoners."  
  
"Major Hochstetter, may I remind you that you are speaking to a superior officer!" Burkhalter joined in the conversation. "What he does to maintain order in his camp is not your concern."  
  
"But, Herr General, surely..." Hochstetter began and was rudely interrupted.  
  
"Unless there is an escape, you have no jurisdiction here." Burkhalter finished.  
  
Hogan had enjoyed the little power play going on before him, "Yes, there are plenty of eggs to go around, I'll get you a basket Major and you can collect your own..." Hogan was impishly playing with Hochstetter.  
  
"Don't bother, Colonel Hogan, somehow I feel there is more here than meets the eye and you are deeply involved." Hochstetter said, walking up to Hogan and looking him in the eye. "You may fool them but you don't fool me, Colonel."  
  
Hogan hung his head as if caught and said, "You're right, I can't fool you, Major, I can see you have me figured..." Hochstetter assumed a self satisfied look and shifted his weight, waiting for Hogan's confession. "We were going to disguise ourselves as Easter eggs and roll out of camp!" Hogan stared back at Hochstetter, defiantly.  
  
"Don't think I won't take you back to Gestapo headquarters and finish what I started a month ago." Hochstetter returned the silent stare.  
  
Klink broke the silence and the stalemate, "We were just about to have lunch, Major..."  
  
The Kommandant's voice broke Hogan's stare and the American Colonel added, "Yes, won't you join the General and the Colonel, Major?" Hogan added, acidly. ~ I'll see if I can't find a little arsenic for LeBeau to add to your food. ~ That last visit to Gestapo headquarters was still fresh in Hogan's mind.  
  
"Hoogaan!" Klink chastised, under his breath. "This was supposed to be a private little luncheon for me and Gretchen."  
  
"LeBeau," Hogan called, out ignoring the protest, "set another plate for the Major."  
  
"Oui, Colonel!" LeBeau said sticking his head out of the kitchen. As he turned around he practically ran into Newkirk, Kinch and Carter.  
  
"What's happening?" Newkirk asked holding the duplicate basket in his hands.  
  
"The Colonel just invited Hochstetter to eat with them," Louis said, as he picked up a plate and table service. "We need to figure out some way of switching those baskets, before Hochstetter decides to investigate further."  
  
"...General, you sit here, Gretchen here between the General and the Kommandant and Major..." Hogan was directing as LeBeau set the additional plate down, "...you sit here across from Gretchen."  
  
A sudden entourage poured out of the kitchen and the men began serving wine, presenting salad, lighting candles, milling in and around one another in organized confusion, keeping the German officers mesmerized. LeBeau disappeared into the kitchen and then reappeared, adding to the confusion by giving directions in French. Hogan stepped back allowing his men to work, knowing there was a plan brewing in this somewhere. Louis stepped up to the table as Carter slipped back taking the basket Louis had hidden behind his back. He then spun around to the false bottomed basket sitting on the parlor end table and made a quick switch. Hogan who saw what was happening stepped between Carter and the dining table to block the view of the activity from those being served. Hogan quickly glanced back over his shoulder as Carter headed back into the kitchen.  
  
"Colonel Hogan!" Klink hollered, quickly standing up in protest. "What are your men doing!"  
  
"What's the matter? They're just trying to make sure everything is perfect!" Hogan defended.  
  
"They are causing chaos! Get them out of here!" Klink ordered.  
  
Sorry, Kommandant, they get a little over zealous when we have important company. All right fellas, everything looks great! Thanks! Go on back to the kitchen." Hogan smiled.  
  
"Where are you going, Colonel Hogan." Hochstetter demanded.  
  
"Back to the kitchen with my men," Hogan said, stopping with a questioning look on his face.  
  
"I'm not through with you! Come back here!" Hochstetter stood and walked around the table.  
  
Hogan turned and looked at the Gestapo Major, "Yes, Major?"  
  
"I don't know what you're up to, but I know it is something." Hochstetter looked the American officer up and down.  
  
"Sit down, Major." Burkhalter ordered.  
  
Hochstetter gestured to Hogan, "Join us, Colonel Hogan; I'm not taking my eyes off of you until I figure out what is going on here." Hogan walked over and took an empty seat at the table.  
  
"Major, there is nothing going on, except a little Easter celebration," Hogan assured.  
  
Klink picked up the dinner bell and rang. Carter stepped in and Klink ordered another place setting. With a lot of effort by all involved, the conversation was kept light while they ate. After the meal, Hochstetter began his questioning again in earnest.  
  
Smiling at Gretchen he asked, "Have you known the Kommandant long?"  
  
"Not long, Herr Major, he buys my produce for his soldiers, until today our relationship had been solely business," Gretchen remained calm.  
  
"And what of the American Colonel Hogan..." Hochstetter was cut short by Burkhalter.  
  
"Major, your suspicions are unfounded, and I need to be on my way," General Burkhalter, stood and took Gretchen's hand, clicked his heals and kissed it saying, "It was a pleasure my dear. Perhaps you will have dinner with me sometime."  
  
"That would be very nice, Herr General," she blushed. "I should really be going myself, Kommandant," she added standing.  
  
"But...but we have hardly had anytime alone together," he pleaded.  
  
"Nevertheless it is getting late and my father will worry," she said. The General helped Gretchen on with her coat.  
  
Hochstetter watched as the General and Gretchen both went out the door with Klink pattering behind them. He glared at Hogan, and then he too headed for the door.  
  
Hogan picked up the decoy basket and followed. His men were already outside rolling a trash can from the kitchen, and on their way across the compound. They stopped just behind the General's staff car.  
  
"Oh, Miss," Hogan called. "You forgot to take your Easter basket with the eggs you collected," he said walking up to Gretchen with his hand, holding the basket, extended. Hochstetter wasted little time pushing Hogan out of the way and grabbing the basket.  
  
"What is this?" Hochstetter asked.  
  
"It is just the Easter basket I gave to Gretchen," Klink said indignantly, reaching to yank the basket from Hochstetter. The Major eluded the grab and began going through the basket.  
  
"Are you passing messages in this basket, Colonel Hogan? Perhaps trying to ask for assistance in an escape attempt," Hochstetter accused tearing through the basket, crushing eggs and then throwing the basket aside. The Major was frustrated at not being able to prove Hogan was up to something. He did not trust this American, and one day he would prove he was more than he appeared to be.  
  
"Major, you need to find a hobby. You're starting to get stress lines. If you like, LeBeau can show you how to weave an Easter basket of your own for next years hunt," Hogan goaded.  
  
"There won't be a hunt next year, Colonel Hogan, because you won't be here by then!" Hochstetter threatened.  
  
"Oh, you're right, your side can't possibly hold out that long. We will have won the war by then. But I'm sure there will be some kind of celebration at the prison you'll be in, you could take the basket with you." Hogan smirked.  
  
Hochstetter clenched his fist and took a step toward the senior POW officer. "Hogan, I'm going to..."  
  
"You are going to do nothing, Major." Burkhalter's temper was rising, he had put up with enough. "There is nothing here requiring your service at the moment. And you, Colonel Hogan, need to watch your tongue before it gets you into trouble again." Turning to Gretchen he said, "Allow me to give you a ride back to your farm."  
  
"Oh, Herr General, I would like that very much." Taking the General's arm, she allowed him to help her into the car.  
  
"Bah," Hochstetter yelled, turning he went to his staff car and tore out of camp.  
  
"Hogan, you'd better go, before I'm forced to take action." Klink warned.  
  
"Oh, well that's just great, organize a beautiful day of fun and food and get treated like I caused all the problems!" Hogan was causing a commotion giving his men time to approach Gretchen from the opposite side of the car and pass her the Easter basket with the radio part.  
  
"Hogan!" Klink reprimanded.  
  
"I'm going, I'm going. But next year you can organize your own Easter egg hunt, I'm through." The American officer growled as he headed back to his barrack. He broke into a huge grin as he turned his back and walked away. His men fell in at his side smiling.  
  
Klink turned around in time to see Burkhalter shut his door and the car speed out of the compound.  
  
Standing alone in the dust, watching the staff car speed out the gate and the door to Barrack Two slam, he threw his arms up and asked, "What happened?"  
  
Schultz walked up beside Klink and began to answer, "Well, Herr Kommandant, I think..."  
  
"Oh, SHUT UP, Schultz!" Klink yelled turning and going into his office.  
  
"What did I do, Herr Kommandant?"  
  
The End 


End file.
